Soul
by Chriss-Meister
Summary: It's never enough, is it?
**A/N:** Hey-o! It's the Chriss-Meister bringing you another one-shot! Now, originally this was supposed to be an ongoing story, but after finishing the first "chapter" I realized it worked on its own. So here we go, a little angsty, but give it a try!

 _ **He's here.**_

"Axel."

I turn, but no one's there. I am sitting in a café at my usual spot, waiting for my drink to arrive.

"Axel."

 _ **I know he's here**_. I squeeze my eyes shut, and when I open them, there he is, sitting across from me.

I pull out my phone to talk.

"You're back," I say.

"I'm back," he replies, smiling cutely. He's wearing a blue and white short sleeved striped collared shirt and dark blue khakis that stop at his knees. The color contrast of his shirt makes his ocean blue eyes pop like stars, contrasting with the honey-gold blond of his hair. He's rather underdressed for this cold town, but then again, he always was.

"Where'd you go?" I ask. He's been gone so long, I can't remember the last time I saw him. Every time he goes off the map, I go into such a depressive state that I lose track of time.

"I had to tie up some loose ends," he answers ambiguously.

"Are they tied now?"

"Yes."

"Then…you'll stay here now?"

He chuckles. "Yes Axel. You know I could never leave you."

 _ **But you already did once.**_

My arm gets tired, and I almost let my phone drop away from my ear, but know I can't let that happen here, not in public.

"Your drink sir," says a waitress. I don't recognize her. She must be new. I take my drink from her and sigh in comfort from the warmness being transferred to my hands.

"Don't drink that Axel."

"Why?" I ask. He is looking at the cup like it personally offended him.

"It's caffeinated," he says. And sure enough, after taking a whiff and a sip, I shudder in disgust. "Does she not know you only drink decaf?"

"She's new."

"Did you ask for decaf?"

"Pretty sure." Everything from before the moment he spoke my name is a blur.

"Then she needs to learn how to do her job."

"Please, don't cause a scene."

"I ought to pour a cup over her head, see if she gets a clue," he says through gritted teeth, glaring daggers at her retreating form.

"Don't cause a scene," I repeat. I look out the window at the steady falling rain. "Its fine, I'll be okay."

"But you only drink decaf."

"I know. And I know you know." He knows everything about me. It's why I love him.

"You shouldn't have to pay for something you won't drink."

"It was an honest mistake."

"You need to stop letting people walk all over you."

"I'm not letting her walk over me."

"You're letting her get away with wasting your money."

"I'm fine Roxas, money isn't an issue to me."

"You can't keep letting people walk over you. You have to stand-up for yourself."

 _ **You used to stand-up for me when I couldn't.**_

"It's fine," I say again. "I really just wanted something to warm my hands."

"Your hands are always warm," he points out. He gets up and walks over to my side, making me blush a bit.

"Roxas…I…in public…" But he's already next to me, staring into my eyes.

"Are you catching a cold?" he asks worried.

He's worried about me? My blush intensifies. "No, I feel fine."

"You say that, but you might have a fever and not know it. You run hot, so it's hard for people to notice, yourself included." He puts his hand up to feel my forehead, but I jerk back. His hand reluctantly retreats. "Sorry. I know you don't like me touching you, but…I'm worried. About you."

"It's not that I don't like you touching me…" I murmur, already as red as my messy hair. "When you touch me…"

 _ **It just makes me cold.**_

"I'll be okay," I reiterate. I leave some change on the table, and get up to leave. I don't look back because I know Roxas is following me.

"Rain," he says. I nod. I've already put my phone away. "Why is it always raining here?"

I shrug and hold my hand out from under the protection of the store's cover. "At least it's not snow."

"I know, right?" That was a female voice. I turn and see a woman, bundled up, glancing at me while searching through her purse. Roxas is on my other side, unseen. "I'll take rain over snow any day of the year in this town."

I don't say anything. I just hike my scarf higher on my face so only my eyes and the bridge of my nose is seen. She stands there for a moment, but eventually walks away. I sigh in relief.

"You were always bad at talking to people."

"Yeah…" I sigh.

"I guess that hasn't gotten better in the time I've been away?"

 _ **Are you talking about this time, or the first time?**_

I just shake my head slightly. "I don't need to get along with people. Especially random strangers."

"I know."

"I just need you."

"I know, love."

I smile. He called me love. Just like he always does.

"Come on, let's get out of this rain, okay? You must be freezing."

"I'm okay," I respond absently before my mind wanders again. I had on a long dark blue pea coat that Roxas had given to me as an anniversary gift years ago…it had seen better days, but I just couldn't bring myself to wear any other coat. He was always worried I wasn't warm enough, so the year after that he made me a thick burgundy muffler, which I was also wearing today. It's long since lost its Roxas smell, but every now and again, I'll catch a whiff of his aroma that clung to the stitches after all these years.

I open my umbrella, just a plain black one. I hold it out next to me on my right side, waiting for Roxas to come under. We head home, together.

"There was no sense putting the umbrella more over me, you're the one catching a cold," Roxas complains when we get to the doorstep. The rain stopped, but the temperature dropped.

"Habit, I guess." I always hold the umbrella over Roxas, I have since we met in college. "You're the one barely dressed."

"You're silly." He waits for me to open the door. When I do, I am attacked.

"Bro! Where you been, I thought you'd be home!" my brother yells, hugging me. I pat him on the back twice, then push him off me.

"I was at the café." I take off my scarf first, then work on unbuttoning my coat.

"Dude, you gotta get a new coat. That one is falling apart."

I look at Reno with hollow eyes. He gulps and glances away. "I'm only saying cause Ma's worried. She got you a new coat for Christmas, didn't she? Why don't you-"

"I'm fine Reno." I carefully hang my coat on the wall's coat rack at the entrance. I notice a coat on the first hook and immediately yank it off. "Whose coat is this?"

"Ah, Leon's. He's here with me, just went to the bathroom. We were planning on visiting you today, remember?"

"You know no one's supposed to use the first one."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell him." He looks honestly apologetic.

I sigh and place his coat on another hook. Leaving the first one empty.

Seeing Reno suddenly almost made me forget. I turn and Roxas is still in the doorway.

"Come in," I say.

"You sure?" Roxas starts, hesitant. "Cause I can go if you want-"

"I never want you to go. Come here," I say, beckoning him in with my hand. Reno and I walk to the living room. Once we sit I glance over at him, but immediately regret it. He's giving me that look. "Don't."

"Axel-"

"Don't."

"Axel please, just hear me out." I stay silent, not rejecting him, but not encouraging the speech I'm sure I am about to get. "Axel…have you been taking the medicine?"

"I knew it."

"Axel, it's important that you-"

"I don't need the medicine, I'm fine."

"Axel-"

"I'm not crazy, okay!? I don't need them!" Everyone in the room stares at me.

"Axel…when did you start taking medicine?" Roxas asks, serious.

"Maybe…half a year ago, but I'm not anymore."

"Why'd you stop?" Reno asks, as serious as Roxas.

"I don't like what they do to me."

"They're supposed to help you feel better-"

"Well they make me feel worse!"

"Why, what was the medicine for?" Roxas presses.

"To make me…to make me less…"

"Axel, no one is calling you crazy," Reno insist, trying for soothing, but it's just making me irritated.

"But you're all thinking it, I know," I sigh, resting my head in my hands. "I'm not…I'm not crazy, he's here. He's always been here."

"…is he here…right now?" Reno asks carefully. I look at the end of the couch he's sitting on. Roxas is perched on the armrest.

"Axel…" Roxas says in a sad voice. His face is scrunched up in worry, and I hate it. I hate that I made him have that face.

"Please don't worry, I'm fine," I say, and both parties believe me to be speaking to them. It works that way.

We sit in silence for a while until Leon comes into the den. "Hey Axel. Been a while buddy, how you been?"

"Fine," I answer curtly. Leon scratches his head and goes to sit on the armrest. "No you can't sit there, Roxas is-!"

I accidently shove Leon back over the couch. We tumble into the wall, knocking pictures off the shelf above us.

"Sorry," I say over and over until Leon pats my back, telling me it was okay. I pick up the pictures and put them back on the shelf carefully. Only one broke. I go to try and pick that one up, but Reno bounds over and pushes my hand away.

"You'll get cut. I'll go get a broom."

He leaves the room and I hold the broken picture to my chest anyway. It was a picture of Roxas, in this beautiful town called Radiant Garden that we visited a long time ago. He had sunglasses pushed up on his head, causing his bangs to perfectly fall gently in place, and a crisp white polo shirt. He was smiling dazzlingly into the camera. I took that photo. He is so breathtakingly beautiful.

"Do you remember this trip Roxas?" I ask, still looking at the picture.

"I do," he answers, though only I can hear him.

"It was our honeymoon."

"I know," he says, coming over to my doubled-over body, though only I can see him.

"It was so much fun. We should go again sometime."

"It was fun, wasn't it?" he replies, hugging me.

But no matter how much I wish it, even I can't feel him.


End file.
